Afraid but Brave: Why Vulnerability is True Courage

I've been reading Brené Brown’s book Daring Greatly lately, and her words have resonated with me. She lays out how having the courage to be vulnerable transforms our lives, something that doesn’t just ring true intellectually, but matches up clearly with my own lived experience.

Redefining Vulnerability

Brown defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” Reflecting on this, I realize just how vulnerable I've felt over the past five months since leaving my secure, well-paying job, to build something new. The comfort of control had always been a lifeline for me, and stepping away from that has exposed me to deep uncertainty. Many days, if I’m being completely honest, I find myself feeling absolutely terrified.

It's interesting how our society often conflates vulnerability with weakness. Brown points out that linguistically, these are distinct ideas, vulnerability means “capable of being wounded,” whereas weakness is defined as “the inability to withstand attack or wounding.” Paradoxically, true weakness might stem from a lack of vulnerability. When we refuse to acknowledge our tender spots, we actually become more susceptible to being hurt.

Recognizing Our Own Vulnerability

In her book, Brown invites people to finish the sentence, "Vulnerability is _____." She then lists off some of the answers from her research. Below are some of the responses that I personally connected with:

• Sharing an unpopular opinion

• Starting my own business

• Trying something new

• Admitting I’m afraid

She observes that none of these descriptions sound like weakness, they sound like truth and feel like courage.

Then Brown poses another prompt, "How does vulnerability feel?" Some of the descriptions that grabbed me:

• Halfway across a tightrope, moving forward and going back are equally scary.

• Taking the first step toward what you fear most.

• Being all in.

• Free falling.

• Letting go of control.

These descriptions all landed with me. Leaving my job to build something new has brought these sensations to the surface in a visceral way. But more significantly, it has revealed deeper fears and beliefs I didn’t even realize were there, like the idea that my worth is tied to what I accomplish or produce.

Unraveling Societal Beliefs

This belief is something our culture quietly instills in us, that our worth is tied up in our success, money, or possessions. Letting go of my job has exposed how deeply engrained it is. Undoing it feels vulnerable, difficult, and necessary.

Brown speaks about how our "never enough" culture perpetuates shame, the fear of being unworthy. She says, “The opposite of scarcity isn’t abundance… the opposite of scarcity is enough.” Vulnerability, she argues, comes from knowing we are enough, even with our imperfections and uncertainties. Choosing vulnerability, then, is an act of courage rooted in self-worth.

Collective Courage and Leadership

This isn’t just personal, it’s collective. Humanity is currently in a liminal space, navigating deep uncertainty and rapid transformation. The courage to be vulnerable, to admit uncertainty and risk emotional exposure, will be crucial in moving through this phase together. Brown notes, "Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity." It’s where authentic connection and meaningful change begin.

Leaders who embody vulnerability inspire collective courage, especially in uncertain times. Jacinda Ardern, the former Prime Minister of New Zealand, is an example Brown highlights. Her willingness to openly express empathy and uncertainty during crises built trust and unity among her people. Vulnerability didn’t diminish her leadership, it defined it.

The Cost of Avoiding Vulnerability

It’s easy to avoid vulnerability. It feels safer to numb discomfort or shield ourselves. Yet Brown warns, "We cannot selectively numb emotions. When we numb painful emotions, we also numb positive emotions like joy and gratitude." Avoiding vulnerability might temporarily ease discomfort, but ultimately it isolates us from the experiences and connections that make life rich and meaningful.

In my own journey, stepping away from traditional career security has forced me to confront deeper fears around identity, worth, and scarcity. Vulnerability has become not just about leaving my job, but about rewriting the narrative of where my value truly lies.

An Invitation to Embrace Vulnerability

This reflection isn't about showcasing bravery, but an invitation for all of us to step toward greater openness in our lives. Vulnerability reveals hidden fears, but it also offers and enables growth. As we collectively face an uncertain future, embracing vulnerability is how we cultivate resilience and courage. It’s how we build something better for humanity.

Brown reminds us, "Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen." As we navigate these turbulent times, the simple act of honestly acknowledging our fears, hopes, and uncertainties is how we start to heal personally and collectively.

The invitation is simple: Consider where you're resisting vulnerability. What deeper truth or fear might vulnerability reveal for you? Our courage to face these questions doesn’t just benefit ourselves, it ripples out, inspiring others to step bravely forward as well. In vulnerability lies our greatest strength, individually and collectively.

To a vulnerable and courageous future,
Matt