The Radical Freedom of Saying Yes to Your Life

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I remember the first time I really started diving into meditation back around 2018-2019 and the immediate impact it had on me.

There was a softening, an expansiveness like the gentle release of a clenched fist finally opening, that was immediately noticeable. At the time, I didn’t necessarily have the words to fully describe it, but looking back now, it’s clear that this was radical acceptance and equanimity coming into my awareness. It was a welcome relief, because so much of my suffering, perhaps all of it, was rooted in resisting reality.

Facing Life’s Complexities

At that point, the complexity of life was really hitting me, juggling overwhelming responsibilities, confronting deep uncertainties, and feeling emotionally stretched thin.

I was trying to come to terms with what it meant to be 31 years old, married for five years, raising two young boys under four, and carrying the immense pressure of providing for my family. On top of all that, my wife and I were grappling with our oldest son’s autism diagnosis and all the implications it carried for our future.

We were facing tough questions: "Will he ever speak?" "Will he live with us for the rest of his life?" These thoughts were daunting, especially when we had initially held different dreams and visions for him.

Discovering Meditation

Amidst processing all these heavy emotions and trying to maintain a calm, confident exterior, I began meditating. It’s almost amusing to me now, I’d head down to my basement at night, ensuring everything was pitch-black and silent, and listen to guided meditations by Thomas McConkie from his Mindfulness Essentials course.

Part of me felt cool for exploring meditation, something outside the norm, intrigued by the novelty of the meditation bells together with the fresh new words and concepts. But beyond the novelty, I distinctly remember experiencing a profound expansiveness and deep peace in simply accepting life exactly as it was.

Finding Peace in Acceptance

The first time I tapped into this acceptance, life took on a new quality, a subtle sensation of gliding through my days. It’s hard to articulate even now, as words don’t fully capture the depth of that experience.

But the main insight was clear: nothing felt like a problem to be solved anymore. The stress of raising a family, the intricate challenges of parenting a special-needs child, these became invitations into presence, beautiful even in their discomfort.

Radical Acceptance and Equanimity Defined

Over time, I've come to appreciate the wisdom of simply saying "yes" to life exactly as it unfolds -- what I now call radical acceptance or equanimity. But what exactly is happening during these experiences, and why do they have such a profound effect?

From a psychological perspective, radical acceptance means fully acknowledging reality as it is, without resisting or fighting it, particularly when you cannot change it. Pioneered by Marsha Linehan in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, this approach helps transform pain into something more manageable by not adding layers of unnecessary suffering.

Neuroscience backs this up, showing that when we practice acceptance instead of resistance, our brain’s alarm system quiets down, activating the calming, reasoning parts of our brain instead.

Equanimity Across Traditions

Equanimity, closely related to radical acceptance, is about maintaining balance through life's ups and downs. It doesn't mean we become numb or indifferent; rather, we learn to experience life's emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them--and even when we do feel overwhelmed, we can hold that experience too, with equanimity and compassion.

Buddhist traditions describe equanimity as a balanced reaction that protects us from emotional turbulence. Similarly, the Stoics taught that distress arises from our judgments about events, not the events themselves.

Across spiritual traditions, radical acceptance and equanimity are viewed as thresholds to deeper awakening. In Christianity, the idea of "Thy will be done" embodies profound surrender, while Sufi mystic Rumi describes life as a guest house:

Reflecting Back: The Gift of Presence

Reflecting back, this wisdom resonated during that period in my basement, meditating in the dark. By embracing what was, I found an inner peace I had never known--a space to hold all my fears and uncertainties, without struggle.

A Simple Practice for Radical Acceptance

Here’s a simple practice to cultivate acceptance and equanimity:

• Pause for a moment and take a deep breath.

• Ground yourself by feeling your feet firmly planted on the floor.

• Notice whatever emotion or sensation arises and name it--such as "anxiety," "sadness," “happiness,” or "uncertainty."

• Locate where you feel the emotion in your body.

• Allow yourself to fully feel this emotion, without judgment or resistance.

• Offer compassion to yourself, perhaps placing a hand gently over your heart, as if comforting a dear friend.

An Invitation to You

What might open up in your own life if you softened into acceptance and stopped resisting what already is?

Perhaps you'll find, as I did, an unexpected beauty hidden within life’s complexities, awaiting only your quiet "yes" to be revealed.

With a YES in my heart, 
Matt